God created all humans equally but man was gifted by god with a brain, a brain that conceived that big was better than small. Born with his inbuilt trait of satisfying his hunger for food and water he began to understand that the bigger the catch bigger was the contentment.
Bigger the group bigger was the strength. The big catch empowered him with big physical strength which in turn gave birth to a mighty mind that automatically learnt to suppress others in the habitat to gain control. He soon began to think that big was always better. Man subdued the animals and used them for his convenience. He understood that using might made his life easy. Even mighty animals use their strength and prey upon weaker animals which is a natural food chain but remember they prey upon other species of animals strangely man is one animal who does not follow any code of conduct because he is blessed with a brain that manipulates making him the biggest threat to humankind and all other creatures. He suppresses his own clan and his own people sometimes with his physical prowess and sometimes with his social status as the head of the family smitten by conventional societal dogmas. He subdues his prey called a family member which could be a wife/mother/daughter with his bodily might or verbal valor shaking their emotional solidity as he seeks to take control of their lives within four walls consumed by a possessive vengeance hiding his own insecurities and frustrations.
Yes I am talking about domestic violence the big silent problem in India and across the globe.
What is domestic violence?
Any kind of abuse by your partner or a family member constantly denying your social, financial rights, assaulting you physically, demeaning and violating you sexually and harassing psychologically amounts to Domestic Violence.
You are a victim of domestic violence if you are constantly being criticized, intimidated, isolated, humiliated, hurt, blamed for no fault or even injured physically by your partner or family member which frightens you to even speak about it.
You are being subject to Domestic Violence if your partner is always jealous, overly possessive, does not heed to your medical needs, refuses financial support, incessantly controls you, beats you up and demands sex cruelly even if you were sick and makes you feel low.
Although domestic violence is not confined only to women as there are many men out there who are silently suffering without realizing that they are being abused and subject to this killer called Domestic Violence India is a country where men enjoy a better social status than women and are almost worshipped. Men are still the key decision makers who take complete control over the lives of their womenfolk in all their social economic aspects of life. Domestic violence can happen to anybody irrespective of their class, education, race, religion, sex and age.
There are many laws against domestic violence there are many forums which educate and provide counseling to both victims and culprits refer link for more information www.bellbajao.org but 8 out of 10 people do not even acknowledge it fearing the social stigma or they do not know about the very existence of these laws and do not want to complain about their dear ones hoping that they will change someday.
But a person abusing women is often somebody who thinks very low about women and believes only in his superiority. Many times he himself has an abused background which instigates him to behave like that. For your own safety it is better to confide in somebody what you are undergoing.
Factors and Symptoms for this violent behavior:
It could be inferiority, jealousy, loneliness, selfishness, lack of empathy, abused childhood, has seen his parent behave like that resulting in churning an impudent behavior in him. He may be an unaccomplished person shuttling between means and goals somebody who hates the way his life is and conceals his frustration, helplessness, regrets, failures and fears by way of venting out all his distress on the gullible womenfolk of the family blaming them for his position. But he may be very normal and sometimes even very jovial with others in his work life.
Big V/S Small
Why is it that there is a big cry or a big headline when something very negative happens? Why can’t small positive things be showcased constantly excessively everywhere? Why do we read everyday on front page that a 5year old was raped why can’t we read about her rehabilitation on the front page. Are we drawing inspiration from negativity? The idiot in me ponders this idiot called conscience constantly questions me if the idiot had died down in human race? I cannot help thinking why does Big score a point over Small?
Everybody wants a big house, big job, big money big fame big name but what about high morals high integrity high ethics high compassion to sustain which requires a big heart to appreciate the small joys of life by sharing and caring? Each time Big is celebrated it reminds me of an old poem
If I am not as big as you
You are not as small as me
a popular line from ‘The Mountain And The Rat’.
According to me Big and Small have the same status to accept it you have to start believing it.
What is the big deal in showing one’s prowess rendering someone puny and helpless by subjecting force? Every order of animal does it so what is the difference between animals and we the gifted humans? When I say puny I do not mean any offense to women I am only showcasing the puny mindedness of the so called bodily powerful.
What is the big fuss in appreciating small virtues that build a big strong relationship?
A big shout causes fear and damage but a small consideration creates confidence and a safer world.
Steps I would suggest to tackle violence against women:
- Reject the violence the very first time it happens.
- Educate yourself and speak about it with your trusted ones, it is not shameful but painful to be abused and suffering silently. Your silent tolerance is your weakness and works against you.
- If you see a friend behave abusively with his partner invite him home to see your happily married life and explain to him that mutual respect is equally important as much as love without hurting his ego. Friends often make remarkable impact on us.
- Don’t be mute spectators when you witness an act of domestic violence happening to somebody try to stop it by expressing that you are concerned and at the same time show that you are unhappy about it or report it to a counseling forum and seek help.
- Take the victim into confidence and report it to the police.
- In case your maid or somebody is being beaten and abused by a drunken husband guide them to seek help from alcohol rehabilitation centres.
- Reduce the consumption of alcohol as 85% of men who are violent with their wives are daily alcoholics and more than half of the abusive violence happens under the influence of alcohol.
- Treat your children both girl and boy equally and respectfully by avoiding temper spills as children learn from demonstrations and inculcate them.
- Connect and network with people when you are angry and feeling low, share your problems and avoid isolation.
- Keep a healthy relationship with your spouse by respecting each other’s space. Angry arguments do not solve but calm reasoning can often conclude in amicable solutions. It is hard but try practicing it.
- Practice yoga if possible.
I recently happened to encounter a husband and wife shrieking out at their old mother who must have been around 80years. The frail old lady shuddered standing still without a word even as her eyes pleaded that she did not deserve it after having given the best part of her life for bringing him up. But the man would not stop there. We had assembled at that common terrace to witness a lunar eclipse as the screaming got louder I simply stepped forward and asked the old lady if she can come to our house for coffee. There was a stony silence the man walked away quickly but I had communicated to him that it was not tolerable. Since I was scared that I might have made things worse for the old lady to get back home I spoke to the daughter in law and befriended her asking her to click some pictures of that eclipsed night.
After which each time I met her I ask her if the old lady was doing fine even as she fumed and gave me a despising nod. And each time I met the old lady I offered her to join the senior citizens group within the community or come out for an evening walk or participate in some religious bhajan groups but she smiled and declined saying she had to babysit her grand-children till the son and daughter in law came back home from work even as I wondered why such a small empathetic gesture was missing in that big man who failed to see the big trauma he had caused to his own mother. If only he had realized that the big brazen yelling had reduced him so small in my eyes.
The Big here is the body and the Small here is the soul.